Letters to be sent.

Dearest,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m writing right now. I also know that a lot of things happened to us (or didn’t happen maybe) over the past few months. I’m also probably the last person that you’d want to hear from today, but anyway, someone once told me that if I really value this friendship, I should probably be the one to make the move. So here’s my 2 cents.

I really don’t know what happened to us. Whatever happened to all those endless chats, long conversations, shopping galore, food trips, night outs, sudden trips to anywhere…I’m not really sure where it all went or how it even began. Maybe it happened a year ago..or maybe it happened even during college, I’m not even sure. But I’m sure of one thing, I miss how things were. I miss all those chats, those long conversations, those shopping galore, those food trips and night outs, those sudden trips to wherever, I miss it. All of it. But most especially, I miss my best friend.

I know it’s probably late to even do this and I guess it isn’t really killing you like what it’s doing to me. You’ve got everything and everyone. You know what I mean. Maybe I just didn’t notice it during college but if you think about it, you’re the only reason why I have some friends because I seldom have friends on my own. I’m sorry if I’ve ever been a burden to you since then. Must’ve been a pain trying your best to stay with a lousy and boring person like me for a very long time. I’m sorry if ever I let you down for some reason too. If I forgot about you while I’m busy trying to patch my life together and forgetting that you also have problems on your own. I’m sorry if I tried telling you a lot of things just to make you stop whatever you were doing at that time. I know I try to be your mom sometimes even if I know I’m not. I’m sorry if I’ve broken the girl code (if that’s why you’re mad at me) and for leaving you behind because I already have someone with me. Leaving your friends is shitty, but leaving the only friend who stayed with you in spite and despite of everything is probably the worst thing a person could do. I’m sorry if I’m too weak to even talk to you. For letting the months pass without opening this topic because I’m such a big coward just because I’m scared of what the people around us is saying and for ignoring this exists. I’m sorry that you even have to deal with me every single day especially right now because of this. I’m sorry because I’m selfish enough just because I can’t take it anymore.

It’s been months and I know you’re closer to our old friends and you’ve got new friends anyway. I just didn’t want to end this year wasting almost 8 years of friendship over something I didn’t exactly know why. Maybe if you can just tell me the reason as to why this thing happened, even if it doesn’t mean everything will go back to the way things were, it’ll be fine with me. I know you’re enjoying more of your life than you used too and I don’t really want to be a burden anymore. Whatever your plans are for the future, I’m still hoping for the best. I know God still has plans for you that you’ll be thankful for in a few years’ time if you just pursue and wait. You’re a bright person, you know it yourself. There’s a lot of things out there waiting for you.

 

I love you like a sister, you know that. Please be alright for me.

Happiest Birthday!

xoxo,

Leah

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