Have you ever met someone who you think you’ve given more than enough but still never saw all your efforts? For most of us (esp with girls), this is but almost normal esp if we have our ultimate crushes. For me maybe it’s a bit different.
This is the letter to the guy who never have loved me back.
Hi. Maybe you barely know me. Or maybe you did know me but you’re not that sure who I was. Well this is me. I’m the girl full of drama, who wanted to let everyone know how I felt about you and how it has been. It’s been years since I started liking you. Maybe the thought of having you close to me excited me so much that I didn’t even look at what was happening. I fell, or maybe I drowned myself to the things that relate to you especially to the things that matter to you the most. I forgot myself, thinking that all these unsturdy things will fall into their proper places eventually without me knowing it. Guess what? It did happen, and I know that I have already paid a generous price for it.
First and foremost, thank you for not loving me back. For allowing me to be hurt and for letting me experience the bitterness of life. You were the reason why I learned how to get back on my feet and see the things that normal people who do not take risks would never experience–that is, to fall down without anyone catching you. Nothing and no one could ever teach that to me except you.
Second, thank you for giving me affection, or at least pretending to have given me one. Because I know for a fact that no one would have ever bothered spending so much time on me like what you did before. It is an honor for me to have ever thought that someone I have liked for so long to have ever liked me in return. Thank you for letting me feel that despite all of my flaws, someone could still appreciate who I was and tolerate everything even it was all a lie.
Third, thank you for letting me learn how to love. Because at least after what we had, I knew then that I was capable of going beyond the limits of the physical world and that I was ready for bigger challenges even if everything was a total fake. Imagine how much sacrifice I could do if it were real? Even if I doubt what we had in the very beginning, I did tried my utmost best to have loved you in every single way I can and you know that.
Lastly, thank you for being a total jerk. For not telling me the truth and allowing me to grieve for a certain period of time, believing in a false memory and reason, thinking that someday everthing will heal. It must’ve been a great deal to you and your conscience for being in a relationship that you never even once wanted in the first place because some other girl from the past is still occupying your heart. You must’ve suffered a great loss that I could not ever replace. It was a dumb move though for letting me fall and be in the relationship you never wanted. But I still thank you because I know no other guy would ever have the guts to do the same and teach me all those things, and that no one would ever have the same title as you are in my life – the jerk guy who never loved me back.
I hope one day you’ll find the girl who will replace her and that someday you’ll be able to love the right girl in the right time, when you finally can control your whole life.
Tonight I’m letting go of that 1% that’s holding me back. And I must say, I thank also the one who shared everything to me, who changed my view about the ‘fact’ that I have doubted since the start. It was a great deal for me to know the truth and nothing else, and the fact that everything was one-sided and that I almost gave up everything to the guy who I thought was ‘the one’.
I hope you would read this someday and I pray that after you’ve read this, you will no longer be the coward jerk guy you once was with me, who cannot tell the honest truth and that you’ll be the right guy for the next girl you’ll meet.
The girl you never loved.(L)